The commencement speech you probably actually deserve

Who is Harrison Butker anyway?

Recently, a football player I’d never heard of prior [being an Australian in Australia where I only have a cursory idea of NFL teams and few players] made some pretty bigoted comments in a commencement speech at a university. Now I know his name all too well, I’ve said my snarky comments and rolled my eyes enough, so I’d like to add something useful to the conversation at this stage instead.

I thought I would re-do that commencement speech for anyone in attendance [or otherwise] who feels like they would like a proper one. One that is meaningful and heartfelt, welcoming and encouraging; for all in attendance. One that veers away from attempts at control and criticism, and towards something that maybe excites you about your future.

It’ll be a fair bit shorter than the 20 minute ramble, but hopefully impactful in a way you deserve. Here we go!

[This is probably appropriate for both college/university graduates and those completing high school.]

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Dear graduating class.

It almost feels like ‘congratulations’ isn’t enough to acknowledge you being here today. Your journey didn’t begin when your studies at this particular institution did. Your journey began much earlier; every step along the way leading you to decision after decision, that gave you the options to choose how you made your way here.

And here you are, with your sweet faces and your brilliant brains.

Transition moments really are just another moment, much like New Years Eve and birthdays, whether you love or hate them. But transitions also act as powerful enablers of reflection; something you might’ve been doing a lot of lately. Transitions get to act, should you choose for it, as a portal. As something you consciously step through, even if that step is simply one of those steps across the stage, or that first one you take when you leave out the door today. Something that signifies you being just a little bit (or a lot) like the person you would like to be next.

Because whether you realise it or not, that person exists now.

But before we get too deep into that, we have to come back to the portal and the reflection. While it’s important to acknowledge all the stuff (yes, even the bad), I don’t want this to be one of those heavy moments where you dredge up all the crap [by all means, if you need to do that at some point, please consult your favoured mental health care professional for support as you do so].

Instead, right now, I invite you to find some appreciation for all of the versions of you that you have been. Those versions of you that helped you get here, to this exciting moment that also certainly won’t be the last exciting moment of your life yet.

Why appreciation specifically? Because it’s not a ‘gratitude’ that risks a falsity of emotion that ultimately gaslights you into thinking you should be more grateful. No, no. We don’t fabricate that around here.

Appreciation allows you to see all (or more) of your experiences, what they have brought you, what you were able to learn from them - all without needing to even particularly like them. It allows for a deeper, fuller acknowledgment of your whole experience. This allows for a deeper, fuller acknowledgment of all parts of you; all of which are welcome, embraced and celebrated here.

Appreciation itself is far more accessible, and if we’re learning anything as a world, we are certainly learning [more and more] that accessibility benefits all of us more often than the alternative.

So as you sit [or stand] here, I invite you to consider this:

How can you appreciate the you that made decisions for you to be here now?

Not just the decisions that led to a direct outcome and step forward. The decisions that may have also been ‘bad’ too. The decisions that maybe had you confused and unsure. The decisions you might have felt a little lost in. Find the appreciation in how you persevered and allowed yourself to mess up [whether you intended to ‘allow’ in the moment or not]. Find the appreciation for the very human you who navigated your mistakes, learning a little better with each one. And find the appreciation in the you who took chances, regardless of how they worked out.

You are here, and I’m so glad you are.

Then, whether it’s one day or sooner, if you do naturally and genuinely come across the experience of gratitude, by all means embrace it. But it’s not the goal. You acknowledging your whole self and experience is more important. It’s also how we see each other better.

Now you can step through this portal. Whether that’s simply a step, a ritual, a practice, or a decision. It’s up to you.

To be the person you desire to be in the future, you have to choose to start being them now.

As you get to know who that is, let your next decisions from each new moment of clarity onwards be from the place of supporting you being them.

I don’t believe in ‘faking it til you make it.’ You are an explorer of your own experience and your own being. So much of it happens to us by accident, and that won’t end for the rest of your days. But the way to so-called ‘authenticity’ is by practicing it. Seeing how it feels. Noticing if the discomfort is because it’s not a right fit, or because it’s - simply - different.

You practice who you want to be so you can decide who that really is. Life, others, and your own self will challenge you. Forevermore. Those will be your stretch moments. Your outwardly exploratory moments where you learn and discern different ways of being. Trying some things on, taking many more off than you keep. Then you’ll have your integration moments. The more internal experiences where you work with your nervous system to really feel into the you. It may come with discomfort, but not without reward.

This is your portal. This is your time, but here’s the secret: It’s always your time. Whichever the season looks like.

So enjoy this moment. Enjoy this appreciation and celebration. Enjoy the portal, no matter how squeezy it feels.

I am so happy for you. I am so excited for you. There is a rich life ahead of you, however you choose it.

There is plenty more to come.

Congratulations, class.